A Very Naughty Present
by Story Please
Summary: Hermione and Severus are newly married when they find a strange gift sitting on the table of their personal quarters. But when the contents of that gift escape, will they be able to figure out the true reason it was sent to them in the first place? AU, SS/HG


**Author's Note:** A happy, fluffy AU story for Corvus Draconis, who is being brain-exploded by multiple affronts to the English language, and who deserves some happy SS/HG shenanigans.

* * *

 **A Very Naughty Present**

The package sat on the table wrapped in paper with thousands of tiny little purple W's doing endless cartwheels. It was incredibly tacky, Hermione decided, and also incredibly obvious who it was from. A gaudy golden bow was tied on top of the package with a small card pokin out the side of the satin fabric on one side.

"To the lucky couple- though which one of you is the luckier one we won't dare say!" was written on the envelope in looping handwriting.

Hermione paused. She knew that handwriting. As if the horrendous wrapping paper wasn't bad enough, when she pulled the card free with one hand and pulled open the gummy part, she knew at once that she'd made a terrible decision.

"HERMIONE YOU ARROGANT LITTLE MINX!" shouted two familiar voices in unison, "AND SNAPE! WE KNEW YOU WERE A GIT BUT HOW MUCH OF A GIT DO YOU HAVE TO BE NOT TO INVITE YOUR FAVORITE, LIFE SAVING TWINS TO YOUR WEDDING!? WE WERE AFTER ALL INTEGRAL PARTS IN THE WAR DESPITE WHAT OUR BROTHER THINKS!"

Hermione dove to the floor with her hands over her ears, cursing them silently for sending her a cleverly disguised Howler.

"ANYWAY, WE DECIDED THAT WE'D BE THE BETTER PARTY AND SEND YOU A PRESENT ANYWAY! THAT SAID, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OUR HAPPY HOWLER? FUN ISN'T IT? ANYWAY! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TWO. WE WILL DO OUR BEST NOT TO IMAGINE YOU CONSUMMATING YOUR MARRIAGE AND REGALE RON WITH A PLAY-BY-PLAY DESCRIPTION OF IT. TOODLES SNAPES!"

Hermione pointed her wand at the so-called 'Happy Howler' and Vanished it with her wand just as it began to repeat itself.

"Ugh," she groaned, holding her head, "Now I have a horrible headache. It's a good thing that Severus wasn't here, or he'd have Apparated to their joke shop and transfigured their neckties into asps."

She left the room, to grab a Headache Remedy potion from the stores that Severus kept in the bathroom.

It was only when the door had closed behind her that the box seemed to make a strange humming noise before going still once more.

* * *

"You did send the invitations to the Weasleys, right?" Hermione asked Severus in a hushed tone at the Head Table during lunchtime. Minerva and Filius were in a heated discussion about the recent International Gobstones competition, so they were utterly oblivious to the fact that Hermione was leaning in towards Severus looking somewhat flushed with embarrassment.

"I showed you the finalized list before I sent them to be printed, Hermione," Severus replied from behind his napkin as he patted his mouth gently after finishing the last bite of his sandwich. "You agreed on all of the names that were on it. We invited all of the Weasleys, but I do remember a distinct Weasley-sized hole in our evening."

Hermione had to concede to that fact. Though it had seemed like her wedding had been over before she'd known it, and there had been so many people in attendance that it had made her head spin, she did remember that Bill and Fleur were unable to come because Fleur was just about ready to give birth to her second child. Ron, of course, had not attended. He'd let her know in the worst, most theatrically public manner by finding her and Severus one afternoon when they'd decided to have lunch at a small cafe in Hogsmeade. He'd stamped on the invitation, set it on fire and shouted horrible things at a very unamused Severus until Hermione had finally hexed him square in the face with Ginny's famous _Bat Bogey Hex_. This, of course, had broken the radio silence phase that Ron had been maintaining with Hermione after the twelve-month-long sleeping-with-anything-that-moves-and-then-calling-Hermione-on-the-phone-drunk-and-crying-at-one-in-the-morning-to-take-him-back phase. Hermione couldn't feel all that sorry for Ron, though. _He'd_ been the one to break up with _her_ , citing that he wanted to "play the field." He'd wanted to "keep things casual," but Hermione didn't have time for casual. She wanted to finish her education and get a job doing something _meaningful_. Ron had laughed at her.

"You're going to be an old maid sitting alone at home with her cat," he said, shaking his head sadly.

"That's not true!" Hermione shot back. "Just because I want to make a difference and don't have the need to get a hundred men in my bed telling me I'm great, doesn't mean that I'm never going to find anything better than you, _King Weasley_! Or has your ego inflated so much that you are incapable of thinking of anyone enjoying life without you in it?"

Ron had stomped off shortly afterwards, and Hermione was glad that she'd bitten back the insult that had risen in the back of her throat regarding his "little Ron."

She still wrote to Harry regularly, after, but she and Ron had not spoken properly in several years.

* * *

She hadn't been looking for anything, much less love when she had returned to her final year at Hogwarts alone.

When she saw who was lying in the hidden room at the end of the Infirmary hall, though, she'd nearly cried out in surprise. She could have sworn that she watched him die, and yet there he was, looking worse for wear but _alive_. Severus was sitting up in bed, his throat bandaged many times over. His face was gaunt and tired as he sipped his tea with a steady hand. She'd not dared to speak with him the first couple of times, due to the horrible guilt that filled her heart until she thought that she would cry out at the pain of it. She merely stood there, watching. Finally, on the fourth visit, he'd called her into the room with a raspy, irritated noise, making her blush scarlet at having been caught. At first, he'd been just as abrasive as ever, his voice tiring out easily and leading him to hastily scribble his words on parchment. But it soon blossomed into a friendship, especially when Hermione began bringing him books that she thought he'd like and other important things, such as his favorite sour licorice whips (which he'd mentioned once offhandedly). For at least a year, Severus was her best-kept secret. It took him about six months to properly heal and after that, he'd been kept hidden away in the dungeons making potions for the infirmary and St. Mungo's while the political climate grew less volatile. She didn't tell her friends about him, and was always sure to avoid Madam Pomfrey so that she didn't have to answer any awkward questions.

Due to the nature of the economic and political upheaval after the war, there were still many people who were out for blood. Any known Death Eater was being sent to Azkaban without a trial. Only Severus was safe, presumed dead and hidden on Hogwarts property, where the crippled Ministry had little power. Minerva was aware of Snape's survival, as was Madame Pomfrey, but that was all. Hermione had only discovered him because she was so good at finding the telltale signature of a Notice Me Not spell. After all, she'd cast them over a thousand times.

As for how he'd survived at all, surprisingly, it had been the twins, who were flying over the area on their brooms looking for survivors, who had saved Severus from the Shrieking Shack. Severus hadn't died after giving Harry his essential memories for the pensieve- he'd managed to pour enough Dittany onto himself to close the wound somewhat, but with all of the blood loss, he'd only been able to crawl out through the front of the Shack and collapse. The twins had grabbed him and flown him straight to Minerva, who'd hidden him away in the Infirmary before anyone else could see him. Hermione hadn't found that out until much, much later, which was why the belated wedding gift from the twins felt like yet another reminder of her ungratefulness. Without Fred and George, there would be no Severus, and she would never have married the love of her life.

In any case, their romantic feelings for one another had taken more than five years to develop, and another two for them to finally admit it to each other. Hermione was long graduated and working as Transfiguration Professor and training to take on Deputy Headmistress duties while Minerva focused on her Headmistress duties. Minerva was in the middle of securing funding to add another wing onto Hogwarts castle for a host of school clubs and event rooms. There was even talk of attempting adding an electrical system, for candles cost deceptively large quantities of money. After a few tense months of sending paperwork back and forth with the Ministry, Severus had begun to teach again- he was now the dedicated DADA professor, though he still brewed potions for Madam Pomfrey and conducted substitute classes when their new Potions professor, Hannah Abbott, was sick. Hermione still didn't know all of the details, but Severus had been given a full pardon by the Ministry. He was pretty much broke, though, as all of his money had been seized by Voldemort during the war, and so he'd returned to teach at Hogwarts. Neville taught Herbology and did a great job at it, while oddly enough, Draco Malfoy had secured a position as Astronomy Professor after Professor Sinistra had finally retired. Hermione still wouldn't consider herself friends with Draco by a long shot, but they were able to have civil conversations, and had never come to blows while working together, which she supposed was an improvement.

But even Draco had come to the wedding (his parents were vacationing in Paris, so they'd been unable to attend, but they did send over a rather gaudy set of goblin-made silverware that Hermione was still unwilling to unwrap, due to its beauty and obvious worth).

In fact, as she thought more about it, the only Weasley that had shown up was Charlie and his Armenian Pygmy Fire Lizard, who'd worn a tiny sapphire bowtie. She remembered how the Fire Lizard, who Charlie called Tourmaline due to her distinctive shades of copper and blue, was very well behaved. Far more behaved, in fact, than Charlie's youngest brother.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Severus asked, as he walked with her to her next class. Severus was lucky- his DADA class wouldn't start until the afternoon, so he always had a prep period after lunch, which Hermione was majorly envious of.

"Oh, it's just that I was under the impression that the entire Weasley clan was boycotting my wedding. I know that Ginny didn't come because she's been puking up her guts with morning sickness for the past month, but the others…" Hermione looked up at her husband and sighed deeply.

"What is prompting this little...trip down memory lane?" Severus seemed confused. Hermione knew that this was yet another thing to add to the list of things that were her fault.

"Oh, I got a Howler this morning," she replied, laughing ruefully, "It was from the twins- they weren't happy about having not been invited."

"Oh, of all the petty-" Severus pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation and gave Hermione a very tiny and very evil smirk. "Shall I...retaliate?"

"Now who's being petty?" Hermione replied sadly with a shake of her head. "No, I deserved it. I thought we invited them, but maybe...maybe it just…"

"...Got intercepted by a red-headed menace with a fat head inflated by too many witches interested in bedding a war hero?" Severus retorted, crossing his arms as they came to a stop in front of Hermione's classroom.

Hermione's eyes widened and then narrowed almost immediately afterwards.

"You don't think he'd stoop that low, do you?"

Severus gave her his best " _well, what do you think_?" look. "He works at that damnable joke shop now that he's been expelled from the Aurors for slacking. It wouldn't be hard for him to tamper with his brothers' mail."

"Why I ought to-" Hermione stopped as she felt Severus grip her shoulders gently, and she looked up at him with a somewhat startled expression.

"Before you go off to tear him a new one, I suggest that you teach your class," Severus purred softly, kissing her gently on the forehead. "Now, then, I want to hear that you finally got them to transfigure mice into matchbooks at supper tonight!"

"Oh, Severus, you know that they aren't all nearly that good at it yet," Hermione said with her hands on her hips.

"I wasn't finished. And...if they blunder and screw up spectacularly, I want to hear all of the gory details." Severus arched his eyebrow and smirked at her knowingly.

"Deal." Hermione snickered slightly, as she turned to open the classroom doors. She knew he was probably hoping for the latter.

Severus gave her hand a squeeze before letting it go.

"I love you," she whispered softly to him as she pulled the door open.

 _I love you._ He mouthed the words back silently in return and she felt her heart skip a beat. It had taken him forever to feel comfortable saying them to her at all, much less aloud. The last thing she saw as the door shut behind her was the image of her husband, backlit by the bright morning light in the windows, his finger on his lips like a silent promise.

Merlin, she loved that man.

"Now, if I can only stop screwing up long enough to enjoy it," she muttered under her breath as she strode to the front of the room to begin the class.

* * *

The box made a bored yawning noise and rattled impatiently. It was obvious that whoever had been nearby before was long gone. There was a strange pecking noise in the side of the box and then a small scratching noise near the back. Finally, a weird musical squeak emanated from the box.

No reply.

The box made a strange noise, like the sound of something shooting through a vacuum tube, and suddenly, a tiny creature was standing on the tabletop next to the box. It looked a lot like like a gryffin, with a small furry body and a head that was obviously that of some sort of raptor, but the resemblance ended there. Instead of a lion's fur, the pattern was distinctly bright rainbow tie-dye colors, ranging from scarlet to a deep purple at the tail, which was long and serpentine like a cat's. The front paws were similar to a cat's as well, and the wings seemed to be tiny and useless. As if to demonstrate this fact, the creature tried to take off from the table and landed on its beak instead with a disappointed squeak. The head of the creature was rather ornate, sporting bronze feathers, huge, sharp blue eyes and two long tufts that stood up like ears on either sides of its head. The tufts were long enough to flop over like tiny lop ears, which added to the ridiculous adorability of the creature. On its forehead, though, was a red stone that looked almost like a ruby. It glittered ever so slightly as the creature righted itself and looked around.

With a snort and another WHOOMP, the creature had teleported itself to the floor. It cackled softly to itself and bobbed its head, which seemed to confuse its kitten feet, sending it rolling over sideways onto the floor.

With that, the creature began to walk around its new space, wondering where it might find some food.

* * *

Severus returned to the living quarters that he now shared with Hermione and his eyes nearly bugged out of his skull. The entire room looked as though it had been hit by a tornado. A vase was overturned to his left, water pooling on the floor, rose petals strewn about as though hit by a stray gust of wind. The tablecloth was pulled down on one side, giving it a lopsided look. One of the chairs was knocked over and a number of the paintings on the wall were hanging askew. He looked back and tested their door to ensure that none of the wards had been breached, frowning deeply when the spells checked out as undisturbed.

His eyes were immediately drawn to the colorfully wrapped gift that had obviously been pulled to the edge of the table. He knew that logo.

"Weasleys," he muttered bitterly, a sneer curling his lip.

With his wand drawn, he moved close to the perimeter of the room, his eyes roaming every surface for any sign of an intruder, but he found none. Instead, there were a variety of messes in each room, including some very tiny pawprints walking through a sack of flour that was lying on its side on the counter of their tiny kitchenette.

Severus whirled around as the front door to their quarters slammed shut, running full tilt into the front room, throwing open the door, and looking down both sides of the hallway outside. Again, there was nothing. If someone had escaped, he'd completely missed them. The thought coiled uncomfortably in his belly, and Severus let out a frustrated growl.

Stomping back inside, Severus sat down miserably in one of the chairs and cast a number of quick spells to check to see if anyone was present in his quarters, but none of the spells produced any answers. With a groan, he pulled himself back up to his feet and began to repair the damage to his living quarters. He couldn't think straight in all of this mess, and he knew Hermione wouldn't 'be happy with it either.

"Bloody Weasleys," he grumbled, as he set to work. "Why must they ruin _everything_?"

* * *

Odd things were happening at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry- well, more odd things than usual, that is. For some reason, students were finding pawprints made of flour on their papers, despite not seeing anything walking on them

Some of the heavy cloth drapes were shredded, prompting a couple who had been trying to get up to shenanigans to cry out and run, fearing Mrs. Norris had caught them, only to turn back and find that there was no one there at all.

Then, a strange creature screeched at one of the girls as she left the loo, but she didn't see a thing when she looked around.

"It sounded like I had stepped on a cat's tail," the third year Hufflepuff girl said to a tight-lipped Minerva McGonagall, who had been nearby and heard the horrible noise.

Minerva sent the girl on her way and dropped down to all fours in cat form immediately, sniffing the floor and the air. A strange scent filled her keen nose and she immediately began to follow the trail, her whiskers twitching.

A squeak of surprise filled the air as Mrs. Norris bolted around the corner, her tail bare of fur at its tip. Immediately afterwards, a strange FWOOMP noise filled the air. Minerva inched forward to look around the corner and saw...nothing.

She knew that nose, though, Rising to her full human height, Minerva turned and headed towards the library.

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about the Weasleys any longer," Minerva grit out through her teeth as she strode with purpose through the front doors of the library and moved down the stacks towards the section she needed.

The fierce look on the Headmistress' face was obviously fierce enough that Madam Pince was far too afraid to shush her. With a growl of annoyance, Minerva pulled thin, blue book from one of the shelves and began to flip through it, her eyes obviously looking for something specific.

* * *

Hermione practically sprinted out of her last Transfiguration class. She needed to get to her quarters as soon as possible. Severus had sent her a patronus in the middle of class that had told her to meet him when she was done for something important, so she knew it had to be serious. Luckily, his patronus had whispered into her ear, so the rest of the class wouldn't accidentally learn that Snape's patronus had turned into a tiny (and utterly adorable) hedgehog.

It hadn't changed until Hermione had been dating Severus for over six months, but the morning that she received the little hedgehog and the message that said in Severus' most disparaging voice: "Well, I guess we are doomed," she realized that he felt just as deeply about her as she did for him.

When she threw open the door, Severus was sitting across from the package with a look of concentration on his face as he tapped the packaging with his wand. Hermione waited until he'd finished before clearing her throat so that he'd know she was there.

"I've checked three times," Severus said, leaning back in his chair and pinching the bridge of his nose with exasperation. "There's nothing inside."

Hermione moved closer until she was standing behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders, kneading them gently.

"You're tense," she said sympathetically, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

He flushed slightly at her display of affection.

"Anyone would be after having someone rifle through their living quarters!" he replied, crossing his arms.

"Now you're even _more_ tense," Hermione said, her voice hinting at something a bit more than a back rub.

"I am not joking!" Severus said, turning back to look at her, "Something or someone was in this room and they made a huge mess."

Hermione looked around. "Was it Goldilocks?"

"Goldi-who?"

"Goldilocks. You know, as in the Three Bears?" Hermione looked at Severus with amusement. "It's a children's story. Please tell me that you've at least _heard_ of it."

Severus shook his head. "I don't exactly spend my free time reading Muggle fairytales," he replied. "As you may be aware, reality had a way of beating the hope for a happy ending out of me. In any case, it's obvious that some sort of _creature_ , courtesy of our _favorite_ twin troublemakers, has been causing mayhem in our quarters. But I can't seem to find any sign of anything, _which makes absolutely no sense at all_!"

Hermione sighed, moved to the side of the chair where Severus was stooped over miserably, and wrapped her arms around him. At first, Severus resisted, but finally he wrapped his arms around her as well.

"You ruined my rant, you know," he grumbled into her chest.

"I wholeheartedly take the blame," Hermione replied, kissing him on the head. "Now then, I think it's time we spoil the twins' fun."

"Spoiling fun I can do," Severus replied with a weak grin, tipping Hermione's chin down gently. "A kiss for luck can't hurt though."

Hermione sighed happily against his lips. Lucky or not, kissing Severus like this was something she'd been aching to do all day long.

* * *

Minerva had almost caught the blasted creature twice, but she was not uncertain that it was the species she'd suspected at first. Instead, every time, she was nearly upon it, the rainbow-hued creature would FWOOMP out of existence, causing her to grit her teeth in annoyance. To be fair, she'd never seen one with such...extravagant plumage, especially not in this northern climate.

"If Hagrid is bringing in exotic beasties yet again, I'm going to give him what-for!" Minerva grumbled, turning around abruptly and glaring at Peeves, who had been about to throw a bucket of ice water on her from behind. "I don't care if you're mostly incorporeal. If that water goes where I think you are thinking of putting it, I will use your sorry expanse to mop it up!"

Peeves laughed nervously and slowly placed the bucket down before skipping through the stone wall singing something rude about farting flapjacks.

Minerva turned back towards her quarry.

FWOOMP!

There was a sudden weight on top of her green silk hat.

"Oh no you don't, you rascal!" Minerva grabbed above herself, her fingers landing on soft, silky fur.

"SQUAAAAARK!" A very startled noise escaped the miscreant on her head as she struggled to hold onto it. Pulling it down, and trying not to think of her crushed hat, Minerva saw a rainbow-striped tail and body wriggling in her arms. She had just enough time to see two blinking, sapphire-blue eyes before-

FWOOMP!

The creature disappeared and Minerva was left with a disheveled hat and a fistful of brightly-colored fur as a singular feather fluttered to the floor.

"Headmistress! Are you quite all right? You look like you were attacked by...well, I'm not sure what you were attacked by to be honest."

She turned abruptly to see Professor Malfoy standing at the end of the hallway in his dark-gray teaching robes, a look of concern on his normally-proud face. Peeking out from behind him were two younger Slytherin boys and a Ravenclaw girl.

"I...to be honest, I have no clue either," Minerva said tiredly. "I thought that I had an idea, but...after what I just saw...if I didn't know any better, I'd think that it was…"

Draco met her gaze, a look of understanding dawning on both of their faces.

"Weasleys," they said at the same time.

* * *

The small, rainbow-hued creature squeaked sadly as she groomed herself with her beak. The soft, cat-like tail was looking a little worse for the wear, and she could feel a distinct draft on the back of her feathered head.

This castle wasn't a nice place to play, not at _all_.

She thought back to the last safe place she'd been, and found herself growing wistful for that nice, dark box. Yawning wide, she lay on her forepaws and felt sorry for herself.

FWOOOOOOMP!

This time, the teleportation was slower than usual. She supposed that it was because she was sleepy, having expended most of her energy on various shenanigans, but there was no time to think about that. Moments later, she found herself in the comforting darkness of her box, curled up in the little blanket that the Big Red Humans had given her, and fell fast asleep with a tiny sigh.

* * *

Hermione and Severus awoke together on their bed in a mutual state of undress. They looked at each other with sleepy smiles until they looked at the time on the clock on the far wall. Both immediately bolted from the bed, their eyes wide with shock at having engaged in such an inappropriate activity at such an inappropriate time. Hermione had to admit, as she looked at the relaxed way that Severus moved while fastening his buttons, that it _had_ fixed a lot of the tension between them. She loved the way that his pale belly disappeared into his dark boxer briefs and how long and wiry his legs were- strong yet lean. She loved how long his torso was, the scars running like a long, meandering road map of past pain across his skin.

He caught her staring at him like a love-sick schoolgirl and arched his eyebrow before continuing to dress. Hermione flushed and began dressing quickly as well. She had to force herself not to jump into his arms again.

 _Merlin_ , but she loved that man.

"I told you, Hermione. We're doomed," he said, but it was in a tone of voice that was uncharacteristically full of quiet joy.

* * *

It was just as she'd finally pulled her teaching robes over her head that a loud, panicked knock sounded on the door to their quarters.

Severus was the first to reach the door, the top buttons on his shirt still somewhat unbuttoned.

"We didn't see you at the Great Hall for supper and feared the worst!" Minerva said, pushing her way inside. "There's a strange and insidious creature loose in the castle!"

"Sorry to intrude," Draco Malfoy said, stepping in quietly behind the Headmistress, "but I thought I overheard the words 'Weasley' and 'gift' this morning at breakfast, so we both thought that whatever had been going on today might have something to do with _that_."

He was pointing to the wrapped box on the table.

"There's nothing inside of it," Severus replied, frowning. "I checked thoroughly after opening the door to a big, bloody mess."

"It was here too?" Minerva exclaimed, looking around incredulously. "I would never have realized. It's very tidy in here."

"Yes, because I _cleaned_ it!" Severus said, unamused.

"Well, there's really only one way to prove if there's nothing inside at all," Draco said, approaching the box with a calculating look on his face. "Best to throw it in the fireplace, just in case."

"No!" Hermione exclaimed, causing everyone to stare at her. "It was my fault for not checking to see if the twins got their invitation. After all, they saved Severus, and I was just so busy with all of the preparations that I didn't have the decency to stop by and-"

"Hermione." Severus placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. "It is not your fault. I sent the owls. I made doubly sure that they were on the list. I, more than most, wished for them to attend so that I could thank them for making such happiness possible."

"Well, then, it's settled." Minerva had a strange glint in her eye as the others turned to look at her. "It is time to use the Headmaster's Floo!"

Fred and George turned around with identical bewildered looks on their faces as Minerva, Hermione, Severus and Draco stepped through the green flames of the fireplace with equal looks of sternness on their faces.

"Why are you still here, Draco?" Hermione asked, looking at him oddly as the present box shifted in her arms. She wasn't sure if it had gotten heavier, but it seemed heavier than before.

"I'm always up for a bit of spectacle," Draco replied with a shrug. "Besides, I haven't seen Severus give anyone a good tongue lashing since you lot were in school."

Hermione rolled her eyes but didn't push him back into the fireplace, even though she had momentarily considered it.

"Aww, didn't you even open it up?" George whined, looking at the unopened box.

"Well, at least it looks like she got the Happy Howler," Fred replied with a sly grin, indicating the look of indignation on Hermione's face.

"You could have just talked to me like normal people!" she huffed, setting the box on the counter and crossing her arms. "Instead of blasting my eardrums and setting some kind of menace on the school!"

The twins looked greedily at the box as though gauging what level of menace had indeed been set upon the school.

"We didn't mean to cause too much trouble," George said with a shrug.

"Yeah," Fred replied with a smirk. "The operative words being 'too much.'"

"We put a Dreaming Charm on her, you know," George said. "She shouldn't have woken until after you opened the letter, then jumped out as a surprise when you opened the box."

Hermione looked guiltily at the box.

"Ah, you only opened the card!" Fred said, snorting with laughter. "No wonder why she got bored and left. My only question is why there's no holes in the box? We didn't reinforce it much, but I don't see any sign of escape."

"Yeah, weird," George said, examining the box.

"Weird!? WEIRD?!" Severus advanced on the two red-haired young men with a scowl on his face. "You sent this...prank..when you know full well that you were both at the top of our list! I wrote you both a detailed letter!"

"We never got an invitation, mate!" Fred replied, jumping over the counter and leaning over it with his arms crossed as George climbed up a tall, rolling ladder. "We weren't too angry- after all, Ronniekins has been adamant about the so-called 'Weasley boycott' for awhile, so we figured that his poor behavior might have reflected badly on the rest of us."

"Yeah," George said, looking skeptically at Draco. "After all, some people seem to think that we're all the same. It's the hair, I think."

"I never thought-" Draco started, only to be shushed by Minerva.

"I know I was thoughtless!" Hermione cried, slamming her fist on the counter and surprising everyone. "I should have done more to ensure that you got your invitation. I was a selfish cow, and I deserve everything that's coming to me!"

Hermione lunged forward and grabbed the bow, ripping the paper violently, and pulled the box open.

"Hermione!" Severus tried to pull her back, but it was too late. She'd leaned over into the box to pull out-

"She's beautiful!" Hermione crooned, pulling a beautiful, rainbow-colored creature from the box. Around her neck was a collar and a tag that said "HI! I'M A RAINBOW FELIGRYFF!"

The tiny Feligryff's wings twitched as it yawned sleepily in her arms.

"The hybrid can't fly, so we gave it _Apparation_ powers by attaching a rune stone to its forehead with a _Sticking Charm_." Fred explained, using the counter-charm to release it from the creature's forehead. I didn't realize it would escape the box before it bonded with you."

"How does it-oh." Hermione stared into the eyes of the little creature as she blinked curiously, and a strange energy filled her heart. It was like the heat of late-afternoon sunshine and butterflies tickling her chest.

 _Hello, Master! Will you name me?_

The Feligryff tilted her head to the side adorably and Hermione couldn't help but croon at the little fluffball.

"Of course. You shall be…" Hermione looked around at Minerva's half-annoyed, half taken expression and Draco's disinterested huff, as well as Severus, who was frozen to her right as he stared at them both. Both Fred and George wore identical smug expressions. "...Mystique."

Everyone seemed to let out a collective breath as the Feligryff stood on her hind legs, her paws on Hermione's shoulders as she nuzzled her feathered head against Hermione's cheek.

"She's a new species we've just...patented, based on a few tips from Luna and some help from Hagrid," George explained. "They're perfectly harmless and can even send mail and other items securely once they've Bonded. They also listen to those who are considered immediate family- so that includes you too, Snape."

As though on cue, the feligryff disappeared with a loud FWOOMP and appeared on Severus' shoulder, nuzzling against his cheek as well.

Severus did not look amused.

"This... _creature_...destroyed our living space!" he said, leveling an accusatory glare at Fred and George.

"Well, so will your future child in about eight-and-a-half months! Think of it as practice!" Fred quipped back, causing Hermione to blush.

"Have you any...wait...what did you…" Severus turned back to look at Hermione in askance. "Is he...right?"

"I...I'm not actually sure, but...maybe?" Hermione looked uncomfortable with all eyes on her. "I haven't had a chance to do the spell- it requires time to prepare, and I wanted to do it with you during our next block of free time together...and…"

"Wicked!" Fred and George said, grinning and giving each other a high-five. "Now Ronniekins owes us _twenty_ Galleons!"

Draco looked oddly uncomfortable, but Minerva seemed to be nearly sparkling with joy.

"Is it true?" she asked. "A new addition to Hogwarts? Of course, you can continue to teach a reduced schedule- I will personally pick up the slack...well, maybe I'll-"

"Ugh! You lot sicken me!" Ron's angry voice made everyone go silent as he stepped down the stairs from the upper level. "Here I am, thinking that I finally alienated my two brothers from you lot despite their stupid protests to the contrary, only to find that you're all laughing it up at my expense!"

"It may surprise you to hear this Ronald Weasley, but not everything revolves around you," Hermione said venomously, her tone and expression almost spookily like Severus in Potions class.

"He's corrupted you, 'Mione!" Ron said angrily. "And now he's...he's…." Ron pointed at Hermione's abdomen with a shaking finger. "...corrupted you with his slimy bastard spawn!"

"I'm not corrupted, Ronald," Hermione replied. "And, if you haven't noticed, we are married. The only bastard in this room is _you_."

"So, I guess Hermione was correct. You did have something to do with it," Severus said, looking at Ron as though he was about to let loose a string of unpleasant hexes.

"That's right! I showed you lot!" Ron screamed back. "The delivery owl didn't seem to care. I was another red-haired Weasley, so I signed for it easily enough. Your letter made me want to puke, Snape! All, 'thank you for saving my life' this and 'you are a credit to wizards everywhere' that. It was asking to be burnt!"

Severus shot Ron a furious look, his wand arm twitching restlessly.

"Hah, good!" Ron fumed, "I like that look on your face, Snape! It's incredibly amusing to me, especially since you know that if you dare lay a wand on me that I'll have you in Azkaban before you can breathe in again!"

Fred and George did not look amused at all. In fact, Hermione backed away from them at the frightening look that had crossed their normally sanguine demeanors. It was then that she could see exactly how well they favored their mother's features. Both of them pulled their wands together and cast a spell of great power that crackled through the air like a freak lightning storm. They both spoke different words at the same time, weaving together a complex spell that swirled around their brother, completing the spell by shouting a word that sounded like something in old Norse.

Where Ron had stood was just a pile of clothing. Then, something poked its nose out of the top of the heap and a very surprised-looking pig emerged from it.

"We figured that if Ron wanted to act like an utter pig, he ought to spend some time looking like one as well," Fred said, grinning as George transfigured an empty barrel into a crate and shooed Ron-the-pig into it with a few well-aimed zaps to the rear end.

"We won't make it permanent, well, not unless he prefers his new state of being," George snickered.

Mystique hopped off of Severus' shoulder and padded over to the crate, which had bars on the front to keep Ron-the-pig from escaping. She batted at his nose until he squealed and cowered in the back of the crate.

"I hope he will finally learn his lesson this time," Fred said with a sigh, "but you know our Ronniekins. Hardest head this side of the Atlantic."

"I'm glad that we were able to figure out what happened to your invitations once and for all," Hermione said, trying not to look at the crate. "I've been filled with guilt about the whole thing ever since I realized that you thought we'd forgotten to invite you."

Severus wrapped his arms around Hermione, his expression daring anyone to say anything about his uncharacteristic display of tenderness.

"Well, just be sure to feed Mr. Weasley, you two. I don't want him to turn out like your Transfiguration experiment in fifth year," Minerva said with a sniff. "I think that Professor Malfoy and I have better things to do than stand around gawking."

With that, she grabbed Professor Malfoy, who had been staring at the twins with his mouth gaping wide, by the ear and steered him back to the floo. With a rising green puff of flame and ash, they disappeared again.

"I think that this little rascal is yours," George said, picking up Mystique and handing her gently over to Hermione. "Be sure to tell your friends! We're having a special."

"You are certain that you couldn't have picked one in less...flamboyant colors?" Severus commented, lifting one of Mystique's tiny, flightless wings gently.

"Well, we figured that since you both tend to be a bit monochromatic that she'd balance it out a bit," Fred said, snickering at the unamused look he received in return.

"In any case, supper's nearly over, and we'd better be back at Hogwarts before the students turn in for the night," Hermione said, hugging the twins and pretending she didn't notice the squeak of discomfort as Mystique got squeezed into the hug as well.

"Don't be a stranger!" the twins chimed in tandem.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Severus replied sardonically.

Hermione put her hand in front of the smirk that pulled her lips up involuntarily and took her husband's hand. Mystique purred throatily in her other arm and cuddled adorably against her chest as they stepped through the floo and headed from the Headmistress' office to the Great Hall.

"You know," Severus said, squeezing Hermione's hand as they moved down the staircases together, "I wouldn't mind doing that spell...the one we discussed earlier...tonight."

"I was hoping you'd say that," Hermione replied, smiling gently as he slid his fingers out from hers and placed them gently on her abdomen.

"Today was certainly full of surprises, some better than others," Severus remarked, his hand sliding behind Hermione to gently press against the small of her back in a protective gesture.

Hermione rubbed Mystique on the top of her head and grinned when she received a happy chirping purr in reply.

"That's par for the course with the twins," she replied, going up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the lips right before they entered the Great Hall, "but I will have to say that it truly was the perfect wedding present."

Mystique warbled approvingly and swished her tail gently from side to side happily. Hermione knew that there would be stressors in the days and months ahead, but she felt oddly optimistic. With her beloved husband by her side and a rainbow Feligryff familiar, even the potential prospect of parenthood seemed a bit less impossible than it had that morning.

After all, she had everything that she needed to truly live happily ever after.


End file.
